When we were children and got hurt while playing our parents often told us to “toughen up”. It was their way of telling us to be brave and be able to deal with negativity. Interestingly enough, the same is happening now where women at work told to toughen up.

Does it mean that they’re being asked to become insensitive? Does it mean they should be able to toughen up and remain focused? Or does it mean women should be oblivious and take all the negativity without even flinching?

Lately, many incidents of unfair treatment and gender bias have been highlighted. I’m in no way suggesting that women should toughen up and allow these things to happen. What’s unfair and wrong will always be considered unethical. What I am suggesting is what women can do to alter and avoid such situations. I’m suggesting women toughen up to be able to withstand negativity and use it to their advantage.

Toughening up doesn’t mean you need to become cold and emotionless. What it means is you need to toughen your skin to make difficult choices and decisions. Sure it may present some negative consequences for people around you, but you have to play hard to earn big! You need to be able to make tough decisions such as:

• Firing employees,
• Standing firm on what you believe is right,
• Holding your ground during demanding negotiations,
• Ending relationships with suppliers or customers, or even
• Implementing an unpopular policy.

Women who work in frontier markets will often need to toughen their skins. Equal rewards as your male counterparts will not come without a battle. To earn respect you need to be seen as a serious, strong minded and talented individual.

So how to get there? Here are a few steps to help you toughen up.

Be Aware of Your Emotions and Reactions

Recall a situation that made you angry and emotional. When you felt like hiding in a corner and bottling yourself up. After all this time that’s past, do you think it was the right reaction to the situation? Probably not. Now that you look back you may feel that you could have dealt with the situation better. You probably may not have reacted that way now. We all feel helpless at times but that’s never achieved anything good for anyone.

Think about what triggered your reaction. Could this situation happen again? If so, how would you react to it now that you’ve been there before? Remember the only thing you have control over is yourself, your feelings and your reactions. Everything else are uncontrollable. So be aware of your emotions and reactions and act accordingly. React in a way that maintains people’s respect for you. What you don’t want is people to believe you’re emotionally fragile.

How Do You Channel Your ‘Calm’

Now that you’re aware of your emotions and reactions, channel from within the things that make you calm. What keeps you rational and logical under pressure and distress? That’s your weapon against everything that’s negatively impacting you. Your reactions now should be able to bring out your calm and cool side.

In a way what you’re doing here is learning how to pick your battles. Not all can be won and that’s fine. But as long as you’re in control of your reactions and emotions you’ll maintain a calm and collected composure. You’ll remain respected. And then you can decide when it’s time for you to get the upper hand.

It’s Not About You, It’s About Your Work

Yes it isn’t. It’s about being professional and about your work. There’s no room for personal biases or emotions when we’re talking about your professional career. Those criticisms and negative feedback are related to your work and not you as a person. Take it for what it is. They aren’t personal attacks but instead use them to learn from, grow stronger, and bounce back better. As the cliché goes “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”.

And don’t be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes and we all falter at times. It’s not the mistake that matters, but how you bounce back that’s important. Remain confident and continue to believe in yourself and your abilities. Always remember you are in this position for a reason – you’re talented.

When the going gets tough, how will you react? Will you be the person who’s going to throw in the red flag of “gender bias” or will you turn the situation into your favor. My bet is if you toughen up you’ll put yourself in a position to be able to flourish in any situation, even the negative ones.

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